For a few months earlier this year, my wife and I were pretty close to becoming parents. Having a miscarriage at 3 months means the fetus was about the size of a grape, but I think we both had thought through the next lifetime of what life could have been. Almost daily daydreams for me were thoughts of what my child would be like…tall like me? perfect teeth like my wife? Probably blue eyes to match both of ours…and I had him or her growing up in my thoughts. I wondered if she would like sports, or if he would be timid. I hoped he would be another dreamer like my dad and I….and was sure she would be as perfect a companion to a lucky guy someday as Samantha is to me. I prayed he would be truthful and honest, respectful and trustworthy, that she would be a spring of joy and hope and grace to anyone she knew. I asked myself what things I would make sure I taught him, and what things we showed her through our actions. That God gives and takes, and is to be praised in all things. That no matter what he or she was a child of God. I expected to be frustrated with him when he acted like me, and to feel helpless as she grew up and had a boy break her heart.

 

And so this thinking led me to wonder how much of my parenting and prayers would matter…Genetic predisposition says that we are born with more or less capacity to learn or control certain behaviors. You come out of the gate more likely to be an alcoholic or to like the color red or to be an engineer. That’s fine if you have parents who are patient doctors and aren’t divorced, but what if you are among those with a more common situation? What if your parents are cheaters and liars and lazy? What if our child ended up with the negative traits that Sam and I have and we had a little rotten kid, who grew up to be a selfish, prideful, apathetic adult?

 

My thoughts have lately turned to what it means to be a child of God, and what that means for how we live our lives. Marrying Sam for me meant that I had to acknowledge that God has plans to change us that has nothing to do with genes, that overcomes upbringings and predispositions. That his grace allows for us to be men and women who seek after his heart and become aligned with his will, regardless of who our parents are. Every morning I thank God that a wonderful woman married me who He desires to draw close to, that He’s washed her clean, that He’s told her through His word how He sees her, which is sometimes not how she sees herself, and it’s not the way I see her every day. She’s a daily reminder to me that God is faithful, that He draws near to those who draw near to Him, that He’s blessed me with a life unimaginable apart from Him.